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life or death

Hello everyone out there my name is teeka and i am in desprite need of help,it is truly life or death for me. Allow me to explain, Im 34yrs.old, and i have a terminal lung diease called pulmonary fibrosis. Pulmonary fibrosis is a diease that causes the bodies own white blood cells to attack different organs in the body in my case its the lungs. This attack on my lungs has caused them to become stiff,harden,and scard. I am in the final stage of this diease if I dont get a double lung transplant. I currently on 25 liter of oxygen 24hrs/7days. I have spent this whole year in the hospital due the amount of O2 I need. I reaching out to OA because on the requirements to get listed for the transplant is to lose weight, I must be 200lbs or less. Im have lost a good bit of weight even with all the breathing issues and mobility problems I went from 282-250currently. Through this process Ive come to realize that I do have a problem with food. I also knew food was a issue even as a child I have been worried about food (how to eat healthy,how to diet,straving myself,praying and etc.)

Now Im here in this hospital praying and hoping OA can help me change my outlook on food and how I deal with my emotions, spritual life, and physcial lifestyle. Im afraid of dying, I dont believe that its my time to die, Im trying and still fighting everyday, yet this 1200cal. diet the doctors have on is proving to be so challenging because I love carbs. I have sabotaged this diet by having my family sneak me snacks, I hide them until night time and then I eat alone in the dark. I feel like a pendgulum swaying between guilt and denial. I wrestle with myself daily because I know that the larger picture is to get the operation and better myself. The way Im handling things currently is hurting many people and I never thought my food issues would cause so much trouble. Now that I have most of my days/nites to sit and think the food addiction has been more appearant. I never thought I was addicted to anything because that happend to other people, I was educated and there was no way I could or would associate myself with addicts. My ego was grounded when my doctor told me that he believe Iam a compulsive eater because the numbers on the scale dont lie and if I was truly following the 1200cal diet I would have lost more weight by now. So he suggested I look up OA and see if I could see myself in any of the statements or principles listed on the site. To my amazement I recognized myself and answered yes to many of the questions. Now Im reaching out, and searching for help because Im going to actually die without a lung transplant,and I will die spritually/emotionally if I continue down this path of self destruction threw food addiction.

Please help me live.

Re: life or death

Hi Teeka,
Welcome to OA - Welcome home!
I feel your pain, probably more than you think. We compulsive eaters have experienced all kinds of pain, both physical and emotional. And then, some of us luckier ones find OA, and a door is open to hope and recovery. As compulsive eaters we usually understand each other better than our friends, our spouses and our families.

It's taken a lot of courage for you to reach out like you have done now. But if you want what OA has to offer, you're going to need more courage. I'm sure it's within you.

The Recovery Group (TRG) offers a wide range of tools to help the compulsive eater - sharing loops, a newcomer orientation, online workshops, recovery writings and online meetings - every 3 hours, 7 days a week, around the clock, around the world!

Come along, get a sponsor and start working our amazing program. Our website is www.therecoverygroup.org. Did I mention there are no mandatory fees?

Welcome home, Teeka,
David