I know know how else to start this other than .. I need help and it s only after meeting two healed AA and crack users that I took the decision to take this seriously.
I don t know why it took me so long to write to you. I have been ill for around 5 years and everytime i m about tto seek help, i tell myself all in need is willpower and discipline, manage to get my **** together for a few weeks, loose weight and think am cured untill I relapse. Even when loosing weight it is by eating/binging on foods really low on calories such as chewing gum, diet coke, egg whites cucumbers and zuchinni topped with aspartame and other wierd/disgustig habits. I fear eating out with others and try to avoid temtation and all times. When I do eat with others, and I have to eat normall food I end up exagerating since the sin has already been done and hate to hear the comments such as ´omg you really can eat´ etc or ´stop asking, this is my food´..I am terribly obsessed with food, have been bulimic but now only urge by exercising, I am a personl trainer you see.. don t know to what exyttend this is good as although there is nothing more satisfying that helping others achieve their goals, living in the world that can be superficial everything revolves around food and exercise.. I read so much about diets (have tried so many of them), healthy foods and tips and after abusing them since I want quick results I get bac to old habits
I have ruined my relationship with all previous flatmates as would unvoluntarely wake up at night nd eat their food whilst in a zombie state. Same happenned with my mom when i lived at home for a while last year. I now have to live alone to protect me from the guilt i feel after eating or lurking over anything anyone around me is eating. I am never full and always wat more, can eat more than 100 gums a day, can t find to fall asleep unless i can t move from being so full, get very paranoid about what others think of me with my constant weihgt gain and loss etc etc etc
i know that my problem is emotional and spiritual and I want to get better, I want to live like normal eople without this terrible obsession (there s worse i know but doesn t stop this from partly ruining my life)..
Please out this across any available sponsors and ask them to get in touch with me.. I live in Malaga Spain cant find a meeting I can physically go to for the particular subject so Skype would be great for me..
My best wishes
I have just read your story and it is my story, too I have been where you are: Before I came to Overeaters Anonymous about 6 ½ years ago, I was struggling. I had been on many diets, lost weight and gained more weight than I ever lost after each diet. Certain days I would binge and other days I’d graze. In OA, I learned that I have a spiritual disease just like an alcoholic, only my preferred substance is food and I am powerless over the addiction. I also found out about how unmanageable my compulsive behavior makes other aspects of my life as well: I have isolated myself from my family and I have very few friends outside the 12 step programs. When working the steps with my sponsor, I gradually became willing to turn my life over to the care of God, as I understand God on a daily basis. The way I work this program is that I work with a sponsor, work the 12 steps using the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, I do service, attend OA-meetings, and other 12-step meetings. I am in Aarhus, Denmark. You can contact me via email firstname.lastname@example.org or via Skype pia_f_ - let us talk and find out if we should help each other.