As I grow older I sometimes get the impression that life has turned into a Laurel and Hardy sketch - and I not only make the clownish errors but get the pie in the face as well.
Just today, I saw may wife arming herself with a "Cif" spray - which we sometimes use to down a bluebottle; "Is there a fly? I'll see to it." I volunteered. What could possibly go wrong?
It seems the fly was in the porch- which is mainly of glass. Sure enough there it was, lurking in the corner of the largest pane. I aimed the spray and squeezed but it was back to front so I sprayed myself. Reversed it and squeezed again - the right way round this time - but the bugger was on the outside.
You need to go to Specsavers Harry
Aujourdhui, pendant le Tour de France, le gendarme has besoin des Specaveurs - et un wet fingair..
Le bobby Fracais in trying to clear some farmers - who had caused a problem for the tour with some hay bales - from the road, used a pepper spray. Unfortunately he had neglected to wet a fingair to see which way the weeeend was blowing - and it was into his face - which was where the spray went. It also blew into the faces of some of the riders- so the tour was halted for a while so that the riders could get medical attention.
Sorry about this, Harry, but your French leaves a lot to be desired.
Le bobby Fracais? (Francais) has besoin des Specaveurs? (ha besoin des Specsaveurs) et un wet fingair? (et un doigt umide).
I, too, suffer a leetle bit from senility, Harry. Today I went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea. Boiled the water, made the tea and then................ found myself back in my living room with the kettle in my hand!
Je see rien wrong avec mon Franglais matey - but I overheard an exchange yesterday between a pair of senior neighbours suggested that there was not a meeting of minds.
A neighbour - let's call him "A" - was gathering up leaves to put in his green bin, so that he be sure that he was getting full value, because we now need to pay a fee for our garden waste bins and it was due to be emptied today. A passing neighbour ("B") called to him, "Do you want me to stand in it?"
Neighbour A was clearly non-plussed - and just looked at B as if he had gone off his head. As B passed me he said, "I usually have to stand in ours to compress the stuff in it." He didn't, however, explain how he manages to do it.
It took me back to my childhood when a chap who kept the toffee shop in Pocket Nook became fleetingly famous because he could do a standing jump from a barrel into another barrel.
Ah, the old days.
Harry, do you really have to pay to have your garden waste collected and taken away? You should ask for a reduction in your council tax. Why? Because the local council should be converting it to compost and flogging it to the companies who bag it and sell it to the public as John Innes No 2. That's what Manchester does. They have a mountain of the stuff. Reportedly 20,000 tons of compost at any one time. Put in a Freedom of Information request at your next local council meeting. They cannot, by law, refuse to supply an answer. There are now some councils in England which refuse to collect any more garden waste. There is so much put out by local householders they cannot process the stuff anymore. I'm thinking a sending a letter to Manchester Council asking them to offer large bags of the compost they are now having difficulties disposing of, to Manchester inhabitants at a nominal cost. The compost now being sold in Garden Centres and other places, is only our garden waste coming back to us but also putting money into the companies who flog it to an unsuspecting public.